Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review


This review will likely sound a lot more positive than the star rating indicates. That’s because I actually kind of begrudgingly enjoyed it—but in a “that was so bad, it’s good” sort of way. If you take it as a comedy, the film is moderately funny (although the scenes that are supposed to be played for laughs aren’t). However, that’s not what master of disaster Michael Bay had in mind (I don’t think). So I have to curb my perverse pleasure a little bit and be somewhat objective. This is a flaming piece of shit. A dog could probably write a better screenplay. And the actors might as well have been puppets. But part of me just couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity that a piece of shit not only got made, but that it made over $400 million.

I’ll now attempt to describe the plot. You’ll be tempted to laugh, but please, wait until I’ve finished. It gets hilariously worse as it goes on. So basically, Transformers have been on Earth for centuries. Their leaders, the Primes, were searching for a source of energy, but their vow to leave any planet with life unharmed prevented them for being able to harvest the sun. But one among them, tried to break this pact. He tried to use a weapon and the Matrix of Leadership (seriously, who makes this shit up) to destroy the sun. But his fellow Primes stopped him and sacrificed themselves to protect Earth from this weapon.

Skip ahead thousands of years and Sam Witwicky (Shia Labeouf) is about to leave home, his parents, and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) for college. While packing, he discovers a shard of the Allspark among his things. After touching it, he starts to suffer small mental breakdowns when he sees flashes of strange symbols and codes. When the Decepticons discover this, they make capturing Sam their number one priority. And it will take more than the combined efforts of Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and the U.S. military to stop them this time around.

Rarely do films come along that are this inane. It’s the worst written film I’ve seen since “Angels and Demons,” and the direction is all over the place. Like I said, it’s all absolutely ridiculous, but there’s a certain amount of fun in that.

Considering the most interesting characters are robots, it’s shouldn’t be surprising that the acting is a little below average. Shia Labeouf does pretty much the same thing he did in the first film—act aloof around women, run around, and scream when necessary. Megan Fox also does the same thing as in the original—look sexy and serve no purpose whatsoever. Josh Duhamel does something, but I don’t really know what. The only worthwhile performance is from John Turturro, who provides the film’s only intentional source of humor. He played a slightly touched government agent in the first film. Here, he has gone off the deep end, and chews the scenery every chance he gets. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy his character, especially since it’s because of him that I know how big the Transformers’ balls are.

The action throughout the film is incomprehensible. Giant scraps of metal flying around on top of each other don’t make for the most entertaining action scenes. But when that’s literally all your film has to offer, you’re in a bit of trouble creatively. Not one of the scenes is memorable. Not one of them was easy to understand or fun to watch. Whatever entertainment value is to be had from this film, it’s not because of the action. It’s because it’s easy to laugh at.

I don’t really have much else to say. The film was deservedly panned when it came out, yet the public ate it up. I’ll never understand why most people like this kind of shit. I mean, I guess I sort of enjoyed it in a sick kind of way, but many of its proponents will tell you they actually think this is a good movie. I don’t see how that’s possible. But I have to hand it to Bay and his crew. In crafting a film so bad in every possible way, he has actually improved upon the original. Who would have thought?

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